Sunday, May 10, 2009

Week 16, Day 112 - “Sea Watchers"

“Sea Watchers”
Written by Joe Janes
5/10/09
112 of 365

CAST:
MARY – upper 40’s
STANLEY – upper 40’s

(Lights up on a middle-aged couple sitting on a bench outside a small white cabin on the beach. Everything is very plain. Their deck is unadorned except for the simple bench to the right of the door and nearly to the right edge of the deck. We can hear the ocean and the wind. It is a sunny day. Mary is in a simple black two-piece swimsuit and wears a white rubber swim cap with a chinstrap. Stanley is in a simple pair of black swimming trunks. They are barefoot. He is leaning forward. She is sitting back with her legs crossed. Their expressions are very blank. For a very long time, they both stare out at the water. He looks at her and then back out at the water. She looks at him and then back out at the water. A seagull is heard flying over and they watch it. They look back out at the water after it passes. Stanley stands and slowly walks towards the edge of the deck. This has caught Mary’s attention. He stands for a moment looking out at the ocean. He looks both ways down the vacant beach. He looks back out at the water. He quickly walks back into the cabin. Mary sits stunned. A moment later, Stanley emerges from the cabin with a stack of white, folded towels. He places them on the bench where he sat. Satisfied with himself, he then walks back to where he was at the edge of the deck and again looks out. Overcome with emotion, he sits down on the edge and looks as though he is about to cry. Mary slowly walks over and sits next to him.)

MARY
They were only trying to be nice.

(Stanley shakes his head as he fights off tears.)

MARY
They thought we would like it. That it would help us…relax. It was a thoughtful gift. Really.

(Stanley has successfully swallowed his tears and turned them to anger.)

STANLEY
You don’t give a vacation as a present. That’s not a present. A hat is a present. A tie is a present. “Here, let me buy you dinner, ya’ big lug” – that’s a present. This. This is a two-week prison sentence. Our children have thrown us in a jail cell with sand walls and a seagull for a warden.

MARY
We don’t have to stay, Stanley. I can tell them I got sick. I ate a bad clam.

STANLEY
Why would they do this to us? What have we done?

MARY
They like this sort of thing.

STANLEY
I want my basement, Mary. I miss my basement. I was going to fix the sump pump this week.

MARY
I know. I know. I was going to read my books.

STANLEY
At least you can do that here.

MARY(looking around)
No. No, I can’t.

(They sit in silence for a moment. She puts her chin on his shoulder.)

MARY
It has only been one day.

STANLEY
I don’t need to be repeatedly struck in the testicles with a ball peen hammer, Mary, to know that I don’t like it. Once is plenty.

(Mary gets up and heads towards the cabin door.)

MARY
I’ll go pack our things. They’ll buy the clam story. They’re always nice when I’m sick.

STANLEY
No, Mary. No. We tell them the truth. The absolute truth. (He stands) Otherwise, they’ll try this shenanigan, again. We sit them down and we say, “Chuck. Violet. We know you mean well, but if you really want to give your old man and mother a vacation, leave us be at home. Don’t call on us for a week. We’ll be more relaxed and you’ll save your money.” By, golly, that’s what we should do. (He sits on the bench.)

(Mary moves the towels and sits down next to him on the now crowded bench.)

MARY
You’re right, Stanley. They need to stop trying to make our lives better. We should be honest.

STANLEY
And direct.

MARY
Honest and direct. They’re adults, now.

STANLEY
Yes, they are.

(They continue sitting. Looking out towards the water. Drifting into their own worlds. A seagull flies overhead and they watch it fly by. They look at each other and then back out at the water. Lights fade as the sound of the surf and the seagulls gets louder.)

Week 16, Day 111 - “Why I Hate French Cinema – Sorry, Olivier”

(posted after midnight Saturday)

“Why I Hate French Cinema – Sorry, Olivier”
written by Joe Janes
5/9/09
111 0f 365

CAST:
Renee, 30s
Zoe, 30s
Jean, 30s
Carla, 30s

(Lights up on Renee, Zoe and Carla seated at a table enjoying wine and bread. Jean stands to the side opening another bottle of red wine. This should be performed in French gibberish.)

JEAN
… et alors j'ai dit à la bonne que ses services n'étaient nécessaires plus. Et elle est partie.

(Zoe laughs and places her hand on Renee’s hand.)

ZOE
Est exactement ce ce qu'il lui a dit.

RENEE
Je suis très impressionné avec vous, Jean. Très appliqué.

JEAN
Qui veut plus de vin ? Mon amour ?

ZOE
Oui, svp.

(He pours her more wine.)

JEAN (laughing)
Le besoin I demandent même ?

RENEE
Ah, Carla. Je ne leur ai pas raconté l'histoire au sujet du canard à l'étang. Vous devez ici ceci. Dites-leur, cher.

CARLA (somber)
Numéro. Pas, Renee. Vous leur dites. Svp.

RENEE (very animated)
Très bien. Carla et moi flânaient par le parc et nous trouvons ces canards. Ils sont waddling et quacking et faisants leur chemin vers l'étang. Clairement un d'entre eux est le canard de mère et le repos sont ses canetons. C'est un défilé des canards. Ils juste au sujet de la portée le bord de l'étang, quand ce grand chien vient bondissant hors de nulle part et saisit le dernier petit canard le plus minuscule dans sa bouche. (He stands and acts out the dog grabbing the duck. Everyone laughs. The laughter dies down and Renee sits.) Le petit canard est, naturellement, mort.

CARLA
Je vous déteste.

(She slaps Renee, kisses Jean on the mouth and leaves. They all laugh. Silence.)

ZOE
Je vais aller chercher une longue commande. Ou promenade. Ou tour de train.

(She slaps Jean, kisses Renee and leaves.)

JEAN
Devez-vous partir ?

RENEE
Numéro. Je dois être quelque part bientôt et devrais dormir, mais je pas.

JEAN
Bon. Parlons dans la petite salle incluse pendant vingt minutes au sujet de rien.

RENEE
C'est une excellente idée.

(They sit quietly for a moment.)

JEAN
Ainsi, un canard ?

RENEE
Oui, un canard.

(Lights fade.)


THE ENGLISH TRANSLATION


“Why I Hate French Cinema – Sorry, Olivier”
written by Joe Janes
5/9/09
111 0f 365

CAST:
Renee, 30s
Zoe, 30s
Jean, 30s
Carla, 30s

(Lights up on Renee, Zoe and Carla seated at a table enjoying wine and bread. Jean stands to the side opening another bottle of red wine. This should be performed in French gibberish.)

JEAN
… and then I told the maid that her services were no longer needed. And she left.

(Zoe laughs and places her hand on Renee’s hand.)

ZOE
That is exactly what he told her.

RENEE
I am very impressed with you, Jean. Very impressed.

JEAN
Who wants more wine? My love?

ZOE
Yes, please.

(He pours her more wine.)

JEAN (laughing)
Need I even ask?

RENEE
Oh, Carla. I did not tell them the story about the duck at the pond. You must here this. Tell them, dear.

CARLA (somber)
No. No, Renee. You tell them. Please.

RENEE (very animated)
Very well. Carla and I were strolling through the park and we come across these ducks. They are waddling and quacking and making their way to the pond. Clearly one of them is the mother duck and the rest are her ducklings. It is a parade of ducks. They just about reach the edge of the pond, when this big dog comes bounding out of nowhere and grabs the last tiniest little duck in his mouth. (He stands and acts out the dog grabbing the duck. Everyone laughs. The laughter dies down and Renee sits.) The little duck is, of course, dead.

CARLA
I hate you.

(She slaps Renee, kisses Jean on the mouth and leaves. They all laugh. Silence.)

ZOE
I’m going to go for a long drive. Or walk. Or train ride.

(She slaps Jean, kisses Renee and leaves.)

JEAN
Do you need to leave?

RENEE
No. I need to be somewhere soon and should sleep, but I will not.

JEAN
Good. Let’s talk in the small enclosed room for twenty minutes about nothing.

RENEE
That is an excellent idea.

(They sit quietly for a moment.)

JEAN
So, a duck?

RENEE
Yes, a duck.

(Lights fade.)