Written by Joe Janes
7/11/09
174 of 365
CAST
Shackleton, 30s
Bigsby, 30s
Edmund, 30s
Marjorie, 30s
(We hear the sound of a cold, harsh, relentless wind. Lights come up on three men in parkas huddled together on the floor. They are in a small tent. Bigsby, the man in the middle, has a plain winter scarf wrapped around his eyes. He is flanked by Shackleton and Edmund. They surround a small lantern, which they have used to make tea. Shackleton tries to give Bigsby tea in a small metal cup. They all three speak with British dialects.)
SHACKLETON
Here, Bigsby. Here. Sip this. Slowly. It’s hot.BIGSBY
Not hot enough, Sir. I wish it were hot enough to melt this dammed polar ice cap.EDMUND (trying to warm his hands)
You would rather drown than freeze to death, Bigsby?BIGSBY
Most certainly, Edmund. I would rather drown in warm water than just be another lump if ice under this Devil’s snow.SHACKLETON
Enough of this talk of death, you two. I devote every ounce of energy and every conceivable breath towards making my way back home to England. One step at a time, if need be. EDMUND
Aye. Even if it takes a hundred years.SHACKLETON
Let’s hope it doesn’t take that long.BIGSBY
Sir, thank you for the tea. But I must ask that you stop wasting what is left of our dwindling supplies on me.SHACKLETON
You are a valued member of this expedition, Bigsby. Belay such talk.EDMUND
He’s right, Sir.SHACKLETON
Edmund!EDMUND
He’s right! We have to face it. And thank the Lord you brought it up, Bigsby. We have used the same tea bag for a week.BIGSBY
And we ran out of cream and sugar a month ago.SHACKLETON
And what do you suggest, then, Bigsby?BIGSBY
I am blinded from the snow. My feet are gangrened. You’ll make better progress if you simply-EDMUND
Ate you?BIGSBY
I meant just leave me behind. EDMUND
But, you won’t have any need for your flesh. No need to let it go to waste.SHACKLETON
Edmund. We are not going to eat our friend.EDMUND
If it were me, I would let you eat me.BIGSBY
You would not.EDMUND
I would insist upon it.SHACKLETON
No one is going to eat another man on my expedition. Is that clear?EDMUND
Yes. SHACKLETON
That’s better.EDMUND
Unless you die before me.SHACKLETON
Edmund!EDMUND
Just being practical, Sir.SHACKLETON
The whole point is moot.BIGSBY
What do you mean?SHACKLETON
I wasn’t going to tell either of you, but, since we’re alone here at the end of the earth, I may as well share the news with you.EDMUND
Good news or bad news?SHACKLETON
Bad. Very bad. Not only are we out of food, we are on our last drop of oil for the lamp. Soon we will have no more light or heat. On top of that, the compass is broken. We are hopelessly lost. For all I can tell, we’ve been traveling in circles.BIGSBY
This could very well the last night of life for all of us.EDMUND
I never thought it would end like this. Huddled together with two other men in a small tent, thousands of miles from my wife. If we are going to die, I prefer we die a respectable distance from one another.SHACKLETON
We are the last bit of human contact you will ever have.BIGSBY
Please take your hand off my leg, Sir.SHECKLETON
Oh, sorry. Didn’t realize.(The light of lantern fluctuates a few times before permanently going out. It is completely dark. )
SHACKLETON
I vowed to myself that some day I would go to the region of ice and snow and go on and on till I came to one of the poles of the earth, the end of the axis upon which this great round ball turns. We had seen God in His splendors, heard the text that Nature renders. We had reached the naked soul of man. (From outside the tent, we see a flashlight. Whoever is carrying it, pulls back a tent flap and comes into the tent.)
MARJORIE
Bill? Are you guys calling it a night, already?BIGSBY (pulling the scarf off his eyes, dropping his dialect)
Oh, no, Marjorie. The lantern just ran out of fuel, is all. We have flashlights. (All three of them pull out flashlights.)EDMUND (dropped dialect)
Evening, Marjorie.MARJORIE
Hi, Ted.SHACKLETON (dropped dialect)
Chilly out tonight.MARJORIE
I was thinking the same thing, Phil. So, I brought you guys some s’mores.(They all three cheer!)
BIGSBY
Oh, but what will we heat them with? Raw s’mores suck.MARJORIE
Not to worry. I brought out the electric hot plate and a pan. I ran an extension cord from the garage.(Edmund takes the hot plate and pan and starts making s’mores.)
BIGSBY
You’re the best, Marjorie.MARJORIE
You boys have a good night. (She turns to leave) Oh, and the kids wanted me remind you that they want to play in the tent tomorrow, with it being Saturday and all.SHACKLETON
No, problem. We clear out first thing in the morning.MARJORIE
Okay, now. Have a nice expedition.(She exits.)
BIGSBY (back to British dialect)
Those rations ready, Edmund? I’m starving!(Blackout)
